I hate to admit this, because I hate to seem ungrateful about being pregnant, however I have been feeling pretty apathetic lately. Last weeks bleeding episode was scary, despite the overall feeling that everything was going to be okay. And I don't think I realized how much it really did affect me.
Before becoming pregnant, I was pretty active. Loved hiking, yoga and walking or running. But in pregnancy, I have have become a complete sloth. First of all I have been taking it easy, as to not "hurt the babies." Even though I know that miscarriages, that are supposed to happen, will happen and that there is nothing a person can do to prevent them. I pretty much stopped all exercise out of fear of loosing them. Started spending more time with my feet up and doing less around the house (since moving to TX I do not have a job, so taking care of the house is pretty much it for me.) The bleeding episode made that even worse. I have been having nightmares about loosing the twins. I try not to think too much about what is going on with them, because I am afraid to get myself too involved in them, in case the unthinkable was to happen. Now I spend even less time doing things that involves leaving the couch or the bed, even leaving dirty dishes in the kitchen days on end.
Throughout this my hubby has been ever so supportive. I love him so much. Not bugging me about my lack of activity, not complaining when I have either been too lazy or too sick of the smell of food to cook dinner for him. He just asks me if I feel up for walks around town, which I usually do, when he is around.
But I want the apathy to end. I want to allow myself to care about these little miracles growing inside me. I want to get out and do things and I want my husband to feel proud of me. I want to lift my spirit and at the same time lift myself out of this funk. I am bringing back the to-do lists and getting active.
I am allowing myself to be 9 weeks pregnant and be happy about it!!
(please let the first trimester be over soon, so I can spend less time worrying and more time enjoying)
When I thought I miscarried C, I freaked. It was so scary. I completely understand where you are coming from. Put your feet up, make Dave do the housework, and just take care of yourself. That is all you can do. And no one would ever think that you were at fault if something happened. You are already such a great mom.
ReplyDelete